There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt,
And was fucked by a dog in the hall.

Here's to the girl named Louise
Who's pubic hair hung to her knees
the crabs came together,
and knitted a sweater
so in Winter her cunt would not freeze!

My dorky ex-roommate Pierre
Once fell asleep in my chair
I pulled out my unit
Proceeded to tune it
And fired my load in his hair

There was an old woman from leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn`t for fame,
or love of the game
but to get at the cheese underneath.

There was young man from Crete
Who could shoot across the street
A chemist named Kelly
Would bottle the jelly
And sell it as 'Extract of Meat'

There once was a lady from Nizus,
Who had breasts of two different sizes,
One was small,
and round like a ball
And the other was big and won prizes

Said a woman with open delight,
My pubic hair's perfectly white.
I admit there's a glare,
But the fellows don't care
They locate it more quickly at night.

There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew,
Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you.

There was an old fellow named Paul
Whose prick was exceedingly small
When in bed with a lay
He could screw her all day
Without touching the vaginal wall

There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Oh what the hell,
I'll get used to the smell.
And think of the money I'll save

There was a man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There was a young woman from Ealing
Who has a peculiar feeling,
She lay on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."