| Worth reading to the end!
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity,
fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and
guilt for not sending out 50 billion flipping forwards sent to me
by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor
6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand
smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped
her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child
pornography website will get 6 flipping cents every time you send
me the letter. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going
to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000?
How flipping stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down
this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret
model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullsh#t So basically, this
message is a big FLIP YOU to all the people out there who have nothing
better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the
evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize
me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by
Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims
on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in
the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak
of blatant stupidity. Flip them. If you're going to forward something,
at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send
this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse
for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some "omniscient
being" forwards about 90 times. I don't flipping care. Show
a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing
to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish.:) Now, to make you
feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send
this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by
a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
It's true! Because,
THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your
life.
Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at
you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your
house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is
a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms,
no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could
be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will
be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting
letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this
to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So
this is how it works.
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in
a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall.
Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend
(hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell
and was cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This
Could Happen To You!!! Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and
Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and
everything will be Ok.
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one
of your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly
ugly,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your loser life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets
the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English... no sorry
that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants
his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be eaten by wild mutts.
PS if you are reading this Mr Gates, then I'm awfully sorry, keep
up the
good work.
|
