JOKES 3

FAVORITE NURSERY RHYMES

Jack and Jill Went up the hill
To have a little fun
Stupid Jill Forgot the pill
And now they have a son

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Her clothes all tattered and torn
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn

Simple Simon met a Pie man
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, "What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dipshit!"

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good
She was very, very good
But when she was bad
She got a fur coat, jewels, a sports car......

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Had scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin
and his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his
arms, "that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."
Little Johnny was siting on the corner with a coffee can
between his leg`s when Father Pat came down the street with
a jar under his arm. Johnny asked, "What's in the jar Father?

The good Father said, "Holly water son. I rubbed it on Mrs.
Jones belly and she passed a baby.

Father Pat then asked Johnny what was in his can.

Johnny said, "Turpentine. I rubbed it on a dog`s ass and
it passed a motorcycle."