MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer For
warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only
come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes
to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World
Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet
he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on
This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in
bed last night."

WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
Formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes
what he sees."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well
Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

DURING the 1989 British Masters golf tournament, commentator Richie
Benaud observed: "Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to
lick their balls on the green."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands
he just tossed it off."

CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night
like this."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What
Does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better
today after a 69."

THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath
away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big
Race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night
about coming from different positions."

STEVE Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild, told
Trude: "There's something big growing between my legs."

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that
eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing
so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing So well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and Kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics - "And there goes Juantorena
down The back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got
eleven Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't
that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of
the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse.
I Once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

And not forgetting cricket - "The bowler's Holding the batsman's
Willey."